Dear Diary
by QueenWillie
Summary: Can all this animosity really just be over a job. Daniel/Wilhelmina previous relationship. Danimina!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Dear Diary

Author: QueenWillie

Pairing: Daniel/Wilhelmina

Rating: Hmmm pretty tame PG-13 just now but will change as story continues 

Summary: Can all this animosity really just be over a job?

**Chapter 1**

Betty was profoundly bored. With Molly's death still hanging over Daniel like a black cloud, everyone had been steering clear of his office. Editors, models, photographers all directed themselves to Wilhelmina's office and through the glass she could see Marc running about with a cell under his ear, several pagers in one hand and a stack of papers under the other arm. God, how she longed to be busy. She looked at her watch for the 10th time in as many minutes and swung round in her seat; when she was facing forward again she saw a harassed looking Marc standing in front of her.

'Okay Suarez, stop begging, you can help me.' He drawled, as if doing her a favour.

'What?'

'I see you here, pleading me with those puppy dog eyes buried under caterpillars, and I know you're dying to help.'

'Actually, I'm fine. Having some me time, you know... It's not often things are so quiet for me, it gives me a chance to check out the update on .' She grinned.

Knowing full well she was lying but was not going to help without asking, he sighed and shut his eyes. 'Fine, I need help. I have a million things to do and I'm never going to get to our YETI class if I don't have an assistant.'

'A partner.'

'Whatever.'

She reached up and lifted the mountain of paperwork from under Marc's arm and smiled. 'Okay, whaddya need.'

'Leave the papers, they can be filed later. I need you to help me call back all these missed calls while we're on our way.' He grabbed her arm and pulled her after him.

'On our way where?'

xXx

Betty swore she could actually feel the temperature drop as she walked over the threshold.

'Marc, I don't want to be here. Why are we here anyway?'

He sighed. 'Breathe a word of this and I'll have you banned from every taco stand in Manhattan.'

She nodded.

'So that she could help out financially with the company after lover boy bailed with the big bucks, Willie sold some possessions to an auction house.'

'Wow…but why are..'

'Let me finish woman!'

'Some things are too beautiful to part with.' He said, his voice breaking. 'I hid one of her sables, I thought they wouldn't notice but they did, so now I've got to get it to them before 6pm or Willie will have my eyes as earrings.'

Betty rolled her eyes at him.

'Don't judge me, like you wouldn't protect your poncho with your life. Now you go in the kitchen and finish those calls while I get the sable.'

Marc threw his scarf over his shoulder and walked to Wilhelmina's bedroom while Betty retreated to the kitchen.

xXx

After 30 minutes Betty had finished returning the calls and she realised Marc wasn't back yet. How long does it take to pick something out a closet? She sighed and toddled down the hall to the bedroom. When she opened the door she saw Marc standing in front of a full length mirror, modelling the exquisite sable and a tiara. Her jaw dropped as she saw half the contents of Wilhelmina's extensive wardrobe were pulled out and scattered all over the room.

'Marc, what are you doing!?'

He spun round at the sound of her voice, but instead of appearing embarrassed about being caught in such a compromising position, he merely shrugged and wrapped another fur around him.

'Calm down, one of the perks of being Willie's whipping boy is playing dress up when she's not around.'

'Marc help me get this cleared up, we have to leave for YETI in 30 minutes!'

'Fine!' He huffed and walked back to the walk in wardrobe as Betty started scooping garments from the floor and bed. Walking to the closet with her arms full she groaned when she saw Marc sitting on the floor inside, still wrapped in finery, looking through a box at his feet.

'Marc, come on, stop snooping!'

'Okay, okay…god I hate that you're good. I wish I'd asked Mandy instead. It's not even that interesting anyway. Crappy blankets and baby clothes from when Nico was little, urgh Willie's sentimental.' He shivered.

One last rummage in the box of childhood trinkets and Marc was about to return the lid to the box when he froze and his eyes widened.

'Ooooh.'

'What?' Betty asked as she hung clothes back on the racks.

Marc held up a selection of books in front of him, eyes shining in interest. 'Diary of a Diva!'

Betty stopped what she was doing and shook her head slowly. 'No Marc…no! This has gone too far, that's such an invasion of privacy.'

'Yeah, like she wouldn't read yours.'

'I doubt anything in my little life would interest Wilhelmina Slater.'

'Well, that's true.' He deadpanned as he opened one of the books.

'Marc no!' She reached to remove the book from his hands but he batted her away.

'Fine, but I'm taking no part in it!' She busied herself sorting the shoes Marc had removed from the closet as he sat himself in the corner and began to read.

After 10 minutes of gasps and laughs from Marc, Betty was determined not to let her curiosity get the better of her. Marc suddenly sat bolt upright.

'Oh my God!'

She would not rise to the bait….she would not.

'Betty….'

'I don't wanna know Marc.'

'Trust me I don't want to know this either but…oh my God!'

She didn't turn round or reply but let him go on.

'These last few entries are all about some guy she was seeing…younger, handsome, playboy type and she kept trying to put him off, but in this last one she says she thinks she's falling for him.'

'So, she was in love. She was in love with Connor, what's the big deal?' She asked, annoyed that she was getting involved. She felt herself being prodded in the back and turned to find Marc pushing the diary at her.

'Read it.'

'No way!'

'Betty…trust me, you have to read it!'

She snatched the book reluctantly and read the last entry on the page.

_March 18__th__ 1994_

_He's wearing me down, he knows it as well as I do. As much as I protest at the end of each date that I won't see him again, I always do. I don't want to fall for him, he's just a kid. He's only 22 and I'm 30 (God that's depressing just writing it). He's funny, handsome, smart(ish) and he's wonderful with Nico. Plus he knows what he's doing in the bedroom, surprising considering his age. Why am I questioning this so much, look at the list of pros I've just listed without even thinking about it and what's putting me off? A number? That's ridiculous, I've had enough Casanovas, Lotharios and Romeos break my heart. Maybe its time I revert from my usual type, maybe a Daniel Meade is just what I need._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Jodie had been less than impressed with both Marc and Betty at the YETI class. They were distracted and didn't take in a word their guest speaker was saying. After the class, they had hurried from the room together and were walking back to the office.

'OMG this is like Brad leaving Jen for Angelina huge!' Said Marc, uncharacteristically linking arms with Betty as they walked.

'Marc, we can't tell anyone. You know that, right?!'

'Eh, what do you take me for, you think I'm gonna walk up to Willie and say "Hey so I was snooping through your personal items and I found out you used to bang Daniel"? I'm not an idiot Betty, I would like to keep all my appendages. This is our secret.'

Betty nodded firmly, 'Exactly, our secret.'

Marc returned her nod as they walked through the front doors of the Meade building.

'And Mandy's.' He said with a smile.

Betty rolled her eyes as they entered the elevator, knowing full well she was more likely to win Miss America than convince Marc to keep a secret from Amanda.

xXx

Marc sat cross legged on Amanda's oval desk as he retold the tale to her; she was sitting wide eyed and nodding, like an eager puppy begging for treats. Betty had to stifle a laugh as she watched the receptionist's blonde head bob up and down. Betty tried to appeal to her moral side that was telling her to walk away from this gossip fest, but she had to admit that lately she was enjoying the feeling of inclusion with the duo.

'So come on, who was it?'

Marc grinned at Betty before lowering his head to Amanda's ear and Betty laughed as she watched her eyes widen.

'Oh My God!! Daniel and Wilhelmina!!'

'Daniel and Wilhelmina what?' Came a voice from behind them.

The three gossipmongers spun round to find Daniel standing at the entrance to the tube.

'Daniel, you're back!' exclaimed Betty.

'Yeah, I, uh…it was time.'

Betty moved quickly to grab his arm and steer him towards his office, as Marc and Amanda busied themselves.

'So how was France?' She asked brightly as they stopped by her desk.

'Good, yeah it was good. It was great to see Alexis and DJ's doing great.'

'And you?'

'I'm doing better. I made my peace with a lot of things while I was out there. It's time I come back.'

'Are you sure you're ready?' She asked with concern.

'It's been three months Betty, I need to start pulling my weight around here again. I'm surprised Wilhelmina hasn't bulldozed my office!'

'Actually, Daniel, she's been handling things really well, she's even asked after you. I think the Connor thing really changed her.'

He pressed his lips together and nodded, 'Good, that's good.' He began walking to his office.

'I mean, she couldn't keep up the bitch forever. I'm guessing she hasn't always been that way, either.' Said Betty, trying to gauge his reaction.

He turned and looked at her quizzically, 'I guess not.'

xXx

An hour later, Daniel was sifting through some paperwork in his office and Betty was on the phone with Marc.

'Betty, what did you say?' He said, with a warning note in his voice.

'Nothing, nothing, I swear!'

'I don't believe you.'

'I just thought…'

'Thought what, you would get him to spill, about his 15 year old affair with the woman he hates, with some subtle prodding?'

She was swinging on her chair. 'Urgh, you're right. What did I think Daniel was going to say, "Actually Betty your right, in fact 15 years ago I dated Wilhelmina"? Hello…hello….'

The line was dead. Turning in her chair she saw two fingers pressing down on her phone, disconnecting her call. Looking up, she swallowed loudly when she saw the look in Daniel's eyes.

'My office, now.'

Looking through the glass walls at Marc's horrified expression, she followed Daniel into his office.

Standing with her hands clasped in front of her, she watched as Daniel paced the breadth of his office, running his hand over his mouth. He stopped abruptly and turned to her.

'You want to tell me about what I just heard?'

Her voice failed her.

'Betty, tell me that was just idle gossip.'

The light bulb above her head suddenly went off and she nodded unconvincingly. 'Yes….exactly, just gossip. Bored minds with nothing better to do.'

He looked at her and raised his eyebrows. 'Betty, you are the worst liar in the world. Tell me now.' He sat down.

Following his lead she sat down in the chair opposite to him.

'Is it true?'

'You first, Betty.'

She sighed and told him about the journals Marc had found that afternoon.

'And I tried to make him put them back, I told him I didn't want to know anything that was in there. I swear.'

He nodded. 'Does anyone else know?'

'No! Well…Amanda.'

'Argh! Well, no need to ask what her "Oh my God" was about earlier.'

Betty smiled weakly. 'I never would have thought Wilhelmina was the Dear Diary type.'

Daniel looked at his clasped hands in front of him. 'You didn't know her then.'

'Did you?'

'Better than most I thought.'

Daniel and Betty sat in silence for several minutes before she plucked up the courage to ask him the question burning in her mind.

'How did it end?'

He grimaced, 'Look at us now Betty, how do you think? Badly.'

He would not go into anymore detail. He lapsed back into silence again and she took this as her queue to leave. She stood from her chair.

'Betty…'

'Yes?'

'No one else is to find out. I've tried hard not to think about this for the past 14 years. It's easier to hate her…trust me.'

She nodded and left the office.

xXx

At 8pm Daniel returned to his townhouse. It had been a long day and this latest revelation form Betty had drained him. He had tried not to think about it, but he had found himself watching her through the glass more than once during the day, and his mind had taken him to a place he had forced himself not to think about.

The way they had ended, so abrupt, no explanation…It had plagued him for a long time. The way her feelings and attitude had changed towards him in a complete 180. He had never known what had caused it, thought he never would. But she had written it all down.

After making sure she was in a conference call he knew would take hours, he had slipped to Marc's desk and removed a key from a silver ring in his bottom drawer. On autopilot he had driven to Wilhelmina's building and let himself in. They were right where Betty said they were.

Sitting on his sofa now, he picked up a book, ran his finger over the familiar handwriting and began to read.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Daniel walked in to Mode at 10am, bleary eyed and yawning. Betty rushed up to him.

'Daniel, where have you been?!'

'Sorry…I had a late night, slept through my alarm. What's up?'

'What's up? WHAT'S UP! You told me yesterday you wanted to get back into things around here, I scheduled a meeting with the Gucci reps for 9 o'clock. I told you about it before I left. Now Wilhelmina's swooped in and god knows what she's saying to them about your absence!'

'Actually, I told them you had called to apologise for your lateness and I rescheduled the meeting for this afternoon.'

They turned to find Wilhelmina in Daniel's doorway. Her face was unreadable.

Betty dipped her head and slunk past Wilhelmina, aware of her stare following her.

'Why would you do that?' asked Daniel.

She pouted and shrugged. 'Well, you've had a tough time, I'm not completely devoid of human sentiment, you know.'

He smiled lightly and looked down. 'I remember.' He whispered.

'Sorry?'

'I said I know.' He cleared his throat.

He looked up at her and found himself staring; after several moments she screwed her face up. 'What?'

'Would you…uh…like to have dinner tonight? To bring me up to speed on Mode stuff.' He added quickly when he saw the look on her face.

'I guess I could do that. It will need to be a late dinner, I have a meeting at 7 tonight.'

'Fine, great, I'll book a table for 9 and we can leave from here.'

She nodded slowly, with a confused look on her face and walked away from his office.

He sat down and sighed. He had fallen asleep reading her diary last night, he hadn't even made it half way through the first book. He kept re-reading her writing, re-living the memories she had recorded on the page.

He had forgotten how he had pursued her with such vigour. To begin with, it had purely been because she had rejected him. He saw her as a challenge, the fact that Alex had also tried and failed had only spurred him on to try and beat his brother. The more time he spent around her, the more she had turned him down, the more fascinated he had become with her.

The night he had finally got her to say yes was a night he had not thought about for years but as he looked back he found it was still firmly etched in his mind.

The night in question had been in her honour, to celebrate her retirement from the modelling world. A final show featuring all the top designers, top models and stylists. She had been the main attraction. He had sat in the front row with his father and Alex and watched, mesmerized every time she took to the runway.

After the show the throngs of people had made their way to the after show party, again in her honour. His father and Alex had left in the Limo and he had told them he would meet them later. After the tent had emptied he'd made his way backstage, he didn't know how but he knew she would still be there.

He felt his mind drift and suddenly it was as clear as if he was there once again.

_He pushed by the rails of designer gowns, passed uninterrupted by the few assistants that had remained to clear up after the show. H e saw her sitting at the chair of her dressing table, staring impassively at the reflection staring back at her._

_He moved to stand behind her. Her expression didn't change as she saw him there._

'_What are you doing here Daniel?'_

'_I came to see your show.'_

'_You know what I mean.'_

'_I wanted to congratulate you, that was quite a show…you were wonderful.'_

'_Walk, pose, turn. It's hardly rocket science.'_

'_Take the compliment, will you?' He smiled._

_She smiled back at him through the mirror._

'_Why are you still here anyway? There's a big party going on uptown in your honour.'_

'_I'm not in the party mood.'_

'_What's wrong? You're not worried about what you're gonna do now, are you? You're talented, something will come along.'_

_She laughed. 'As of Monday, I'm back at Mode. Fey Summer's Creative Director. They're going to announce it at the party.'_

_He smiled widely, 'Really? That's great.'_

'_Yeah, I'm on the track.'_

'_Then what's wrong?'_

_She bit her lip and sighed. 'I know this is what I want…it's just that…as of Monday morning, my life becomes about schmoozing the right people. Getting them to work for the magazine, kissing up to people I don't give a rat's ass about, but I have to make them feel like they're the most important people in the world. I just don't want to have to do it to a room full of people tonight.'_

_He nodded. 'Then don't.'_

_She looked back at him, he knelt in front of her and placed his hand on hers. _

'_Let me take you to dinner, just me and you. Forget those people.'_

'_I thought I'd already told you.'_

'_Hey, don't go getting the wrong idea. Just two friends having a meal.'_

_She smiled at him, seeing through his lie and sighed in resignation. 'Fine, just dinner, just friends, that's it.'_

'_Completely innocent.' He agreed smiling._

But it hadn't been completely innocent, that night after their meal at Michaelangelo's he had walked her home and he had moved in to kiss her. She'd let him and so had begun their little love affair.

He buzzed through to Betty.

'Yes Daniel.'

'Can you make dinner reservations for me?'

'Sure, when and where?'

'9 o'clock, Michaelangelo's.'

xXx

At 9.15 he and Wilhelmina sat opposite to each other in the restaurant he had taken her to 15 years before. She was rattling on about Mode's numbers and the latest cover ideas. He was trying to pay attention but his mind kept travelling back to when they had last sat in this restaurant. How he had made her laugh, instead of the stoic monotone she was currently speaking in, how she had enthusiastically talked of her 4 year old instead of being all business, how she had heartily eaten her Carbonara instead of picking uninterestedly at a salad.

'Daniel…Daniel!'

He shook himself from his daze. She fixed him with a stare, licked her lips and put her napkin on the table.

'Okay, what's this about?'

'What?'

'Why did you bring me to this restaurant?'

'Betty picked it.' He lied easily, prepared for this question. 'I told her I wanted Italian, why?'

She arched an eyebrow at him.

He looked around, 'Oh right…this is where…I totally forgot.'

'Uh huh.' She sounded unconvinced.

'You know I don't think I've been here since that night.'

'Neither have I.'

'Wow…it feels like another lifetime, doesn't it?'

'Indeed.' She carried on eating her salad, not looking at him.

'We uh…we had something didn't we?'

'Ancient history Daniel, leave it there.'

'I just…'

She looked up at him, 'What!' She snapped.

'I just never knew what happened…in the end.'

'It ended.'

'Yes but…'

'Daniel, enough! I know Betty didn't pick this restaurant, her idea of Italian is Pizza Hut. I don't know what provoked this little jaunt down memory lane, but it stops now.'

She stood up and picked up her purse and walked away from him. He threw money on the table and went after her.

He caught up with her down the street.

'Wait, c'mon Wilhelmina.'

She spun round. 'What do you want Daniel?'

He looked round him and grinned widely when he spotted the street vendor.

'I promised you Italian.'

xXx

10 minutes later they were walking towards Wilhelmina's building, the two of them working their way through a slice of pizza as big as your head.

'You know, I haven't had pizza in almost 5 years.' She said around a mouthful of melted cheese.

'It's so good.'

She nodded, 'You tell anyone and I'll…' she said mockingly.

'You'll what?' He laughed.

'Why did you do this tonight Daniel, where did this spring from?' she asked softly, changing the subject.

She stopped suddenly, they were outside her building. He turned to face her.

'I don't know.' He lied.

She squinted at him.

'Look, things went bad, we both know it. But there was something there once…after what we've both been through recently maybe we could try and be friends again.'

'Friends?' She asked eyebrow arched.

He stepped towards her and pressed his lips to her cheek. 'Friends.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next morning, still bemused by the events of the previous evening, Wilhelmina sat in her office drumming her nails against her desk.

'Marc!'

At the barked summon, he came running into the room.

'Okay, messages…' He began.

'Forget that, I have a job for you.'

He arched his brows and sat down, crossing his legs. 'Oooh, a job? Who am I digging up dirt on, this time?'

'I want you to follow Daniel.'

His smile slipped and he slumped in the chair. 'Daniel? Willie, in the 3 years he's worked here I think we've dug up every boring detail we're ever going to.'

'I don't want dirt Marc, I want to know what he's up to.'

His interest suddenly peaked again. 'Why?'

She sighed gently, 'He's acting strange, stranger than usual.'

'In what way? Are we talking straight jackets and padded cells?' He asked with a smile.

'Look, all you have to know is that he's being odd and I want to know why.' She snapped, getting impatient.

He stood up slowly, 'Okay, I just…why now?'

He froze, mid ascension, eyes wide as he realised he knew exactly why.

xXx

Betty was sitting typing at her desk when suddenly she felt herself being pulled away from her work. Marc was gripping the back of her chair and wheeling her along the tube, surreptitiously glancing from side to side, Betty shouting her protests the entire time. Throwing open the door to the accessories closet, he pushed the chair inside and slammed the door.

'Marc, what the…'

'What did you say to Daniel!?'

'What? I…nothing!'

Marc placed his hands on his hips and started walking from side to side in front of her, like the bad cop in every cheesy 80's police drama.

'Quit spitballing, Suarez, I know you can't keep secrets from your Master and Commander.'

'You're one to talk.'

He slammed his arms down on either side of her chair and pressed his face close to hers. 'Did. You. Tell. Him. About. The. Diaries?'

She squirmed nervously in her seat. 'I had to Marc, he heard us on the phone.'

He stood up dramatically, throwing his arms in the air. 'Betty, why do you always have to do the right thing! God, have you got any idea how infuriating it is?'

'Marc, it's no big deal really. He just wanted to pretend it didn't happen. He's not going to say anything.'

'Then why has Willie got me chasing after him to see why he's been acting weird?!'

Betty screwed her face up. 'He's not acting weird, he's in his office reading.'

'Reading? Betty…READING?!' he yelled, eyes bulging.

'Yeah he's…no, no he wouldn't.'

Marc opened the door and gestured for Betty to leave. 'Go distract him, get him out of his office.'

'How?'

'I don't know, tell him Gisele's doing a naked shoot, tell him anything. Just GO!'

Five minutes later, he heard the telltale sounds of Betty's squeaky voice and Daniels whining moving past the door. Once he was sure the were gone he snuck out and raced into Daniels office.

Quickly rifling through the papers on the desk, he found it was all ad pages and sales figures. The top drawer of his desk offered nothing either. Pulling open the bottom drawer of his desk he stopped when he saw a picture of Daniel and Molly sitting on top of the pile. He thought of the picture Willie kept hidden in her office, the picture of Connor, her and Daniel were more alike than they would admit.

Carefully placing the picture on the desk, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he spotted the book underneath, recognising it easily. He picked up the diary and opened it to the page Daniel had kept marked with a photo. Turning the photograph over in his hands he gasped as he saw the people looking back at him. Daniel was sitting up in the picture with Wilhelmina leaning into him, the two of them were smiling at the young girl, obviously Nico, sitting on Willies lap facing them both.

The picture had clearly been scrunched up as if to throw it away, the many lines creasing the couples happy expressions. The image shocked Marc, although he had read the words himself, this made it too real for him. His boss and the man she would do anything to destroy had been a couple, and from the look of this picture they had been happy. He swallowed and cursed himself for letting his curiosity get the better of him once again, he began to read the passage Daniel had been reading.

_June 11__th__ 1994 _

_I love my job, I love my job, I love my job. I need to keep repeating this or I swear I'll burn the place down. I'm supposed to be Creative Director, not Fey Sommers' alibi! Clare Meade came to see me today to ask whether I had lunch with Fey. Fey had already told me to say I had, so I did. Not that the lush would believe me anyway, she's hated me since she saw Bradford pinch my ass at an after party. Is it my fault I have a great ass and he's a horndog?_

_When I asked Fey why I was to lie, she told me quite nonchalantly that she had been with Bradford and made it very clear that if her little secret was to get out I'd be without a job. I swear to god, sometimes I can't believe Daniel comes from that family. His father's an adulterer, his mother's an alcoholic, I suppose Alex would be tolerable if he would stop sleeping with every girl in sight and just admit he's gay (definitely something up with him), while Daniel… well, he's normal._

_And now I have to keep this huge secret from him about his fucking father and my fucking boss. Everything is so screwed up. I've left him sleeping after yet another argument about going to his parents for dinner. They can't know, his mother hates me, his father will hit on me, Alex will try and steal my shoes and can you imagine what Fey would do with it if she knew? Obviously I can't tell him that though, so I just look like a psycho girlfriend and he's starting to think I'm ashamed of him. _

'Anything interesting Marc?'

Daniels voice startled him and he stood up quickly, banging his shin bone off the open drawer. He jumped about cursing as Daniel looked on.

'Serves you right.'

'Look, it's not what you think. I was…'

'Let me guess, Wilhelmina wants to know what I'm up to, because I'm acting odd?'

Betty looked on sheepishly and Marc narrowed his eyes at her.

'Well, maybe I'll just go and tell her what I've found.' Marc said with more bravado than he felt.

Daniel nodded, 'Sure and I'll just tell her how I came to know of them, Nancy Drew.'

Marc swallowed. 'Fine, I won't say anything. But these need to go back."

'They'll go back when I'm done. Now on you go, run along Toto.'

Marc hurried from the room. Daniel chuckled and sat down, his smile falling when his eyes fell upon the pictures on the desk. He wordlessly slipped the picture of Molly back in the drawer and held the other one in his hand, brow creased as he examined it. He turned it around in his hand and showed it to Betty who took it from him.

'Wow, you look…happy.'

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 'We were.'

'Daniel, I don't understand this, any of this. I feel like this is all some big joke I'm not in on. How could you go from this to the way you are now?'

'I don't know.' He pulled the book closer to him. 'That's what I'm trying to find out.'

Betty moved tentatively towards him. 'Daniel, Marc is right. You shouldn't do this, it's wrong.'

'This concerns me Betty, there's stuff in here…about us, that she never told me about.'

'Yes Daniel, that's what Diaries are for, your private thoughts.'

'Betty, I always thought she kept our relationship secret because she was embarrassed or ashamed…she was trying to save it. For years I've tried to block out the time we shared but now I have a chance of finding out why I lost one of the best things that ever happened to me and why she turned into…her. I'm sorry Betty, I know you always do the right thing, but I'm not letting you take this chance away.'

She nodded, 'I don't approve Daniel, but I understand.'

xXx

Marc knocked lightly on Wilhelmina's door, she looked up from her work and he came in.

'Well, have you gathered any information on our little friend?'

'No…well, yes.'

'Which is it Marc?'

'Willie, he's not up to anything. He just doesn't want to fight anymore, Molly's death has made him realise life is too short. There's no agenda.'

'And you know this because?'

'I heard him talking to Betty.'

She sighed loudly, she had been afraid of this. She didn't really want to get close to him again, but she couldn't deny she had enjoyed last night. The easy camaraderie which seemed to return almost instantly. There was another knock at her door and she looked up to see Daniel there.

'Wilhelmina.'

'Daniel.'

'Lunch?'

'Sure.'

Wilhelmina stood and walked past Marc to join Daniel in the hall. Marc could feel his heart beating in his chest. Someone is going to get hurt.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Betty was sitting at her desk, chewing the end of her furry pink pen anxiously, unaware she had burst it and was now sporting an impressive ink stain in the corner of her mouth. It was 3pm, Daniel had gone to lunch with Wilhelmina at noon. Their joint lunches, now a daily occurrence, had lasted for two weeks now, and each day they seemed to be away longer and come back happier.

Betty had long wished for a more harmonious working environment, hoped that some freak miracle would force those two into friendship or at the very least civility, but she knew this was something more than a bizarre, blossoming friendship between the two of them. They had a history, Clare had asked her several times in the last two weeks where her son was at lunch times. She could have easily told the truth, the two Editors out for lunch is hardly jaw dropping, it could be purely business. It could be, but it wasn't and Betty found herself weaving a more and more elaborate web of lies to Mrs Meade.

She was in a quandary. Normally it was Wilhelmina perpetrating the devious act and she would rush off to tell Daniel without a moment's hesitation. Now the roles were reversed and she didn't know what to do. She felt loyalty to Daniel but her natural need to do the right thing was pushing her to tell Wilhelmina that Daniel was now privy to thoughts she believed were private. Other than loyalty to Daniel, she was resisting telling Wilhelmina out of fear. Fear of what Wilhelmina would do and say once she found out that Betty had also violated her privacy and fear of what she would do to Marc when she discovered it was him that had been snooping in the first place.

Picking up the phone, she dialled Daniel's number. He answered on the third ring and it was hard to ignore the smile in his voice.

'Betty, what's up?'

'Nothing, I just wanted to remind you of the time. Christian Syriano is coming in at 4.'

'Oh yeah, I should have called. We're moving the meeting, he's running late on a shoot and we're already in the area…'

'Oh, okay. I was wonde…'

Before she could complete her sentence, he had disconnected the call. Looking at the receiver in shock, she replaced it and it immediately began to ring again.

'Daniel Meade's office.'

'Hello, this is Meredith from Christian Syriano's office. I'm calling to reschedule our meeting for the fall layout.'

'Excuse me?'

'We had a call from Mr Meade advising he had been unavoidably detained and would be unable to make the meeting. I must say Christian was livid at being cancelled on, luckily Ms Slater managed to appease him.'

'I'm sorry, can I call you back?'

Without waiting for a reply she ran to find Marc.

xXx

'You are the worst liar in the world.' Wilhelmina smirked around the rim of her wine glass.

'What? It was a perfectly plausible excuse.' He replied.

'It's not what you say, it's the way you say it. Trust me, she knew you were lying, you're voice goes up two octaves when you're being deceitful.'

'Well as the master of deceit, it's not surprising you know my tell.' He said with half a smile.

She raised her wine glass at him, 'Flattery will get you everywhere.'

He raised his eyebrows and gave a suggestive smile.

'Forget I said that.' She said, with a rueful smile.

'So, what are we going to do? Whole afternoon with nothing required of us.'

'God I feel like I'm 15, playing hooky from school.'

'You skipped school?' He asked in mock surprise.

'You really think I'm likely to sit in front of someone who's telling me what to do and conform with all the other sheep in their polyblends?'

'Come on, let's get out of here.'

'Where to?'

'Let's take a walk.'

xXx

30 minutes later they were walking through Central Park. The conversation which had previously flowed effortlessly during their lunches had ground to a halt. The discussions they had in the past two weeks had been tame, mostly Mode or Meade issues. As the weeks had progressed, Daniel had started feeling slightly braver, throwing in the odd flirtation or double entendre. When she hadn't rebuked him, he became bolder still, until she had reciprocated.

He hadn't meant it to become this, had only wanted to earn her friendship so he could find out from her why she had ended their relationship instead of having to betray her trust and read it from her diary. He hadn't looked at them in almost a week, preferring to try and get her to open up. He knew it wouldn't be easy and he knew she was now bracing herself for questions she didn't want to answer. He had to tread carefully or she would throw her defences back up and he would be back at square one.

Luckily for him, it was her who broke the ice.

'Why now?' She walked slowly, hands clasped behind her back, head looking down.

'Huh?' He mirrored her pose.

'Why are you trying to forge this friendship now?'

'I don't know, why are you letting me?'

'Are you going to answer all my questions with a question?'

He sighed. 'I just…with Molly…you know. It's made me think of all my past relationships. The only one I don't have closure on is us.'

'Stop saying that.'

'What?'

'Us, don't say us. There isn't an us.'

'There was.'

'Daniel, why bring up old painful memories? Why open wounds, it will only bring hurt, we've both had enough of that this year.'

'See, that's what I don't understand, you keep talking about hurt and pain. I remember none of that, yeah we had an argument, but you came to Paris for fashion week and I thought we'd sorted everything out. Then, bang! It's over.'

'Daniel, I don't want to do this. I do remember the pain, you weren't the one experiencing it.' She said softly.

Stopping at a bench, he sat down and tugged her arm so she would follow him to sit. She sat down with him and examined her hands, it occurred to him he had never seen her nervous and he had certainly never made her nervous before.

'Come on, it can't have been all bad.' He said nudging her.

'No.'

'I'll make you a deal. You tell me one good memory you have of us and I'll drop the subject. I need to know you felt more than just pain when we were together.'

'Daniel…' She whined.

'Fine, I'll go first. Do you remember 4th of July weekend? Your father wanted you to bring Nico upstate for a big senate party. My father wanted me to join him, my Mom and Alex our country house like we did every year.'

He was silent until she answered him.

'I remember.'

'We made our excuses to our families, and me you and Nico, watched the celebrations from your balcony. Nico was crying because her friends at pre school were having a barbecue so I went and bought a stupid disposable thing from a 7/11 and I made her hotdogs on your balcony.'

Wilhelmina looked away as he continued.

'After stuffing herself, you wrapped her up in a blanket and I held her up to watch the fireworks. She fell asleep and I hugged you in close. Do you know why that's my favourite memory?'

'No, why?' She still wouldn't look at him.

'Don't lie, you know why.' His voice was barely a whisper. 'It was the first time I told you I loved you…and you said it back.'

He continued staring at her, she would not look at him and she continued staring at the ground. He thought he could hear her walls building back up, was sure she was going to walk away. She surprised him.

'That's not fair Daniel.'

'What?'

'Do you know how long it took me to put you behind me?'

'About five minutes if I recall.' He snorted.

'You have no idea. You knew me, really knew me. Saw through the mask I wore every day. After you, the real me became harder, angrier until I couldn't distinguish between me and the mask anymore.'

'You're blaming me for the way you are now?!'

'No.' She sighed, exasperated. 'I'm blaming myself, for letting you in. My father always warned me never to get close, never to let myself get hurt. I let you in and I got hurt. I built up my armour and didn't let anyone in until Connor, and I get hurt again.'

'I've been hurt too you know.'

She finally looked at him and he was shocked into silence when he saw tears shining in her eyes. He had not expected to get such a reaction, if anything he expected a slap and a Manolo to the groin.

'There's a difference. Molly didn't leave you by choice. You had a choice, Connor had a choice.'

He shook his head slightly. 'I didn't leave.'

'Maybe not physically, but there's more than one way to check out of a relationship Daniel.'

'But I…'

'Enough Daniel.' She stood up to leave and he did the only thing he could think of to stop her.

He stood up and grabbed her arm, spinning her round. Before he could contemplate his actions or give her a chance to push him away, he pushed his lips against hers roughly. She resisted for a moment before finally giving in, with what Daniel could swear sounded like a restrained sob, and met the kiss. He had forgotten what it felt like to kiss her, how she tasted, how soft she was. Only as his hands moved from her arms to her waist did she push him away.

She shook her head at him, tears still shining, threatening to spill. 'No.'

'Wilhelmina...'

'No Daniel.' She walked away from him.

Daniel slumped back on the bench. That wasn't what he had wanted to happen, but he wasn't sure he was sorry. Head in hands, he tried to work out how he felt about her. He knew he didn't love her, too much animosity had grown in the past 14 years, even he wasn't that stupid. He also knew he no longer hated her, he wouldn't have felt something rip in him when she walked away if he did.

From across the park two assistants, who had rushed out to find their bosses had stared open mouthed as the scene unfolded in front of them. They watched as the woman with a heart of stone, walked briskly from the park, only now letting her tears fall and watched the broken man on the bench stare after her, his pain clear for all to see.


	6. Chapter 6

Title - Dear Diary  
Author - QueenWillie  
Pairing - Daniel/Wilhelmina  
Rating - R  
Disclaimer - They aint mine, they're Horta's and if he hasany sense he'll put 'em together in series 4 :)  
Summary - Can all this animosity really just be over a job?

**Chapter 6**

By the time Daniel arrived back at the office, Marc and Betty were already there and sitting at their desks, having raced back the moment they saw Daniel make a move from the park bench. Betty tried her best to look busy, she needn't have bothered as Daniel didn't even afford her a cursory glance as he strode into his office. She looked at him through the glass and could see the battle he was waging inside him. He was never one to be able to mask his emotions. On autopilot, because she knew that whether he knew it or not, he needed her, she walked to his door and entered without knocking.

As he held his head in his hands he smirked inwardly. He had given it two minutes before she came in the office to offer her usual brand of comfort and advice, she had broken her own record this time. She spoke softly to him.

'How was your meeting?'

He looked up at her, with quizzical eyes and inclined his head. He knew she hadn't bought it.

'Okay, I know there was no meeting.'

Daniel didn't even bother to explain, instead he simply asked; 'Has she come back yet?'

Betty shook her head, 'Marc tried calling her, she didn't answer. She must have gone straight home from the park.'

Daniel started nodding his head and stopped abruptly. 'How did you know we were at the park?' He asked in an even voice.

Betty stared ahead, not replying.

'Were you spying on us?'

'No Daniel, Marc and I…'

'Marc!'

Her voice rose in pitch and her words became faster; 'Well when I realised you were lying about the meeting and I knew who you were with and with everything that's been going on with Molly and the diaries…I just wanted to look out for you.'

'What did you see?'

Again she didn't answer, he nodded when he realised she must have seen him kiss her. 'So what…you think I'm trying to get over Molly by getting under Wilhelmina?' The anger was clear in his voice.

Sick of his attitude, her voice rose to match his. 'Well I wouldn't put it as crudely as that, but yes, I think your wife dying has left you vulnerable and you're making bad decisions because of it, latching on to the wrong people.'

He walked up to her, his voice lower now but still angry. 'Let me make this clear. I loved my wife…but this has nothing to do with Molly. What happened between me and Wilhelmina was long before you came on the scene to run my life, stay out of it.'

He grabbed his coat and walked from the office.

xXx

He let himself into his apartment, guilt already eating at him for what he had said to Betty. All she had ever done was try to look out for him, protect him. He could be such an ass sometimes. He vowed to make it up to her. Walking into his apartment still felt strange without Molly there to welcome him. He felt he was cheating on her memory just by remembering his relationship with Wilhelmina but it was eating away at him and he couldn't stop it.

He was so lost in thoughts of Molly and Wilhelmina that he didn't notice he was not alone in the apartment until he had stood over the intruder, sitting in the armchair in his lounge.

'Jesus!' He jumped about a foot in the air, could feel his heart battering in his chest.

'What are you doing here? How did you get in here?'

'You doorman can be very accommodating when he has a handful of 20's'

'Nice to know security's doing it's job.'

'Everyone has a price Daniel.'

'Why are you here?'

'Why did you kiss me?'

He sighed, 'Honestly? I don't know. Again, why are you here?'

'I don't know either.'

He laughed slightly and walked to a cabinet in the corner of the room, returning with two glasses of Bourbon. He handed one to her and remained standing over her, he watched her run her finger round the rim of the glass and stare at it's contents. He downed his drink in one gulp, he didn't know what was about to happen but he had the feeling he'd need Dutch courage for it.

She stood up suddenly and walked over to the same cabinet, draining her glass she poured another measure and drank it in the same fashion. She turned round to face him.

'Question. You said that you have loved me, we both know you've hated me. What do you feel when you look at me now?'

He gulped, 'I don't know.'

Rolling her eyes she walked towards him and grabbed him the same way he had done to her earlier and kissed him hard on the lips. She pulled away leaving him stunned and breathless.

'How 'bout now?'

'What was that?'

'I need to know Daniel.'

'Well I don't know.'

'Well neither do I!' She shouted at him.

'This is exactly like before, I said no. Time and time again, but you just kept on coming until you broke me down, and now…'

'And now what?'

'I made myself hate you Daniel, long before you came to Mode. Once you were there, in my job, it was easy to do, but for years before….I trained myself to loathe you.'

'Well what do you feel now?' He said drawing closer to her.

'I told you…I don't know.'

'Me either.' He was so close she could smell his aftershave, the bourbon on his breath.

'You know, for two such intelligent people, we really don't know a lot do we?' She asked in a low, breathy voice.

'I guess not.' His words were hurried as he dropped his empty glass on the floor, not caring as her heard it break and he pushed his lips against hers again.

She responded eagerly, moaning under his kisses as her hands ran over his body. Daniel used his body to move her, hands holding her tight he steered her out of the lounge and into his bedroom. Lips and hands still assaulting as he pulled her onto the bed with him.

xXx

Se blinked slowly as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, the clock on the nightstand read 4.13am. She took in the sounds of him breathing beside her and she felt her stomach flip. Out of guilt? Out of lust? She still didn't know. She was still naked under the sheets and she could feel his body pressed against her. Moving from the bed she pulled one of the sheets around her, as she stood up he sensed her movement and she froze, frightened he would wake up and with no idea what to say to him if he did. Thankfully he snorted loudly in his sleep, wrapped his arm around to the pillow and fell back to sleep.

The only sound was her feet padding on the tiles as she entered his kitchen and poured a glass of water. She checked her cell, sitting on the counter, 27 missed calls from Marc and surprisingly 4 from Betty. She shut it off and placed it back on the counter, looking up she caught her reflection in Daniels Aluminium fridge. What the hell was she doing? It was half four in the morning and she was standing in Daniel Meade's kitchen wearing nothing but a sheet after sleeping with the man she had vowed never to let under her skin again.

She quietly walked back to his room and sat on the edge of the bed. Part of her, the old her, wanted to crawl back into the warm bed and feel him wrapped around her, the new her wanted to get dressed and run. Turning the bedside light on she looked up and her mind was made up thanks to what she saw. Sitting on the unit, inches from where her head had lain, was a framed copy of the wedding issue. Molly looking radiant on the cover, her gaze lingering on her marital bed.

Wilhelmina's skin crawled when she realised she had just fucked her ex lover and current enemy in the bed where he had made love to his dying wife. Looking over the other side of the bed she could make out the faint outline of Daniel and Molly's wedding picture. The woman was still everywhere in this apartment, she wasn't about to let herself open up again just to be pushed out by a dead woman.

xXx

Daniel woke a little after 7am and turned in the bed, it was empty. He called her name and walked though his apartment but he knew she was gone. He tried calling her cell, straight to voicemail, her home, no answer.

Fine, he thought. If she's going to run away again and refuse to talk to me, I still have one way of finding out the truth. Retrieving the books from their hiding place, he started to read.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Wilhelmina had stayed at home far longer than she had intended to, standing in her shower, letting the water cascade over her to try and wash away the memory if the night before. She had lingered so long that she was late for work and it had all been for nothing as the scent of him still clung to her.

Walking down the tube, unaware she was furtively checking her Blackberry every two steps, she walked straight into Clare Meade.

'Why Wilhelmina, aren't we a tad distracted this morning. What's the matter, lost a flying monkey?'

After Daniel, this was the last person she wanted to see, but she didn't trust her voice to work and not blurt out just why she was so distracted, if only for the look on Clares' face. She settled for a scathing glare and continued into her office. Throwing her purse and wrap on the table, she sat at the table rubbing her temples, stopping abruptly when an image of Connor came uninvited into her head. She was so preoccupied, reminiscing about their first meeting in her office alone when she had a similar headache that she didn't hear her faithful little worker bee buzzing around her moving her discarded belongings. Her brain started tuning in to his inane ramblings.

'....and no one can get hold of him.'

She shook her head to clear her thoughts and held up a hand for him to stop.

'Get hold of who?'

'Daniel. Weren't you listening to a word I said?'

'I pay you to listen to me, not vice versa. And what do you mean you can't get a hold of him, we have a meeting for the final layout.'

'I know, but Betty's been ringing him all morning and got no answer. She's on her way over to his place now. It's probably nothing, more than likely he's sleeping of a bender with whatever tart he happened to bang last night.'

Wilhelmina felt the heat rising to her cheeks. 'The mans wife has died Marc, I doubt that's it.' Averting her eyes, sure that if Marc looked into them he would know her secret.

Marc suddenly stopped what he was doing and turned to face her, a quizzical look in his eye. 'You know...' he began slowly, 'I called you like a hundred times last night and you didn't answer either.'

The statement hung in the air between them, Wilhelmina could feel her shame being replaced by anger at what he was insinuating. Marc, feeling a rare sense of bravado, sat in the chair opposite her and debated whether or not to say the next thing that came into his head. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath he spoke.

'You know I didn't stay in the office for lunch yesterday.'

'How exciting for you.' She replied in a monotone, eyes boring into him, wondering where this was going.

'I went for a walk....in Central Park.'

The anger that had been flushing her face drained as she felt her veins turn to ice, knowing instantly that Marc had seen her.

'What do you want?'

Marc wrinkled his brow in confusion. 'What?'

'To keep whatever you think you saw quiet?'

Marc was unable to keep the hurt from showing on his face. 'I don't want anything. I just thought you might need to talk.'

'Oh and you can braid my hair and gossip about boys?' Her voice was eerily quiet and Marc was getting unnerved.

'Get out Marc.'

Marc stood silently and left the room, mentally kicking himself for what he had said.

Wilhelmina was shaking, if Marc had seen then it wouldn't be long before others knew what he knew. She needed to make sure that didn't happen, she needed damage control. She picked up the phone and dialled Daniels number.

xXx

Daniel sat on the cold floor of his kitchen, his back against the coolness of the fridge. The diary was rested on his knee, open at the page he had read over and over again. A bottle of Vodka well on its way to being empty was in his hand and he raised it to his mouth for another long drink. He felt the alcohol burn his throat and run down his chin as he heard a key in the lock of his door.

Betty padded down his hallway and stopped to look through the open bedroom door, it was empty. Continuing her search she walked to his lounge and noted the open bottle of Bourbon, the broken glass on the floor and the empty one with the unmistakable smear of lipstick on the rim.

She entered his kitchen and stopped when she saw the prone figure resting against the steel. He didn't look up as she walked over to him.

'Daniel.' she whispered.

Nothing

'Daniel, what happened here?'

Nothing

She could smell the alcohol sweating from his pores, when she tried to remove the bottle from his grasp his grip tightened. Seeing the diary face down on his knee she closed her eyes and sighed. Reaching for it snapped him out of his trance and he grabbed it, shielding it from her.

'Daniel?' She tried again.

Still no response, at that moment his phone began to vibrate loudly on the marble next to him. Reaching over him she picked it up.

'It's Wilhelmina.'

Taking the phone from her, he stared at the name on the screen for several seconds before launching it across the room and smiling thinly when he heard the satisfying crash of it smashing on the counter.

Betty added quickly in her head. The meeting in the park, the two glasses, the state of the bed, Daniels reaction. She shook her head.

'Oh Daniel...you didn't. Please tell me you didn't.'

'Get out Betty.' His voice was rough from lack of use and the alcohol.

'I'm not leaving you Daniel, I'll make some coffee, run your shower and we can talk. I'll tell the office...'

'Get out Betty.' He repeated, he had still not looked at her, ashamed to know she knew what he had done.

'You need someone right now.'

'I don't need your mothering!' he snapped.

Betty felt the words like a slap, she knew he was only speaking to her like that because he was upset but it took all her strength not to scream at him.

'Okay.' She nodded. 'But I'll be back to check on you.'

He didn't answer as she quietly left him. Drinking once again from the ever depleting bottle of Vodka he picked the diary up once more and reread the words that stabbed him like a red hot poker in the gut.

xXx

'You mean she was there?' Marc asked Betty in a quiet voice back in Daniels office.

'Well he wasn't exactly in a chatty mood Marc but from what I could tell...yeah she'd been there.'

Marc sprayed his inhaler and inhaled deeply.

'And he was reading the diary.'

'That's what I said.'

'Okay, see ya. I'm going to Cuba, but if anyone asks I'm in Milan.'

'Marc!' she rolled her eyes at his dramatic tone.

'What! He read something, she's gonna find out and then she'll find out how he got them. I don't know about you but I'm quite fond of my head and don't particularly want it served up to Wilhelmina Slater on a plate!'

'Well I did tell you to leave them.'

'Oh please, not the 'I told you so', and anyway she won't care about that, your head will be right alongside mine, sister.'

Betty gulped. 'Look I'm going to see him on my way home, I'll talk to him.'

The two sat on the edge of Daniels desk staring out into the darkness of the office. It was late and the only people left were the two of them, who had stayed to help the push for the layout due to Daniels absence and Wilhelmina, who was still working in her office.

They were so lost in thoughts of how many ways Wilhelmina could make them suffer that they didn't hear the elevator ping at the far end of the office, and neither noticed a highly inebriated Daniel walk out.

xXx

Wilhelmina was glad there was so much work to be done, it took her mind off her act of stupidity. She had spent the day working and rebuilding the impenetrable wall around her, determined she would never let that man near her again. She could feel another headache building and she stood up, gasping in fright when she saw Daniel at the door. It was dark but she could tell from his stance he'd been drinking. Dear God do the Meades have any other way of solving problems. Regaining her composure she walked to her credenza.

'Nice to see you Daniel, only 12 hours late.'

He didn't speak to her, just moved further into the room. He watched her as she poured a long drink of water and took painkillers.

_Good_, he thought, _I hope she's in pain_.

Wilhelmina was oblivious to his animosity. 'I would offer you one, but something tells me you'd like something with a little more kick.'

She moved back round to sit in her chair, still not looking at him and returned to her work, not noticing his eyes staring at her.

'Look, if this is because of last night then forget it. You don't need to pickle your liver. You regret it, I regret it. Move on and stop with the drama.'

He cleared his throat. 'February 23rd 1995.'

She looked up at him and sighed. 'What?'

'February 23rd 1995.' He repeated.

Exasperated now, she rolled her eyes. 'Again what? You're starting to sound like Rain Man.'

He walked around her desk and stood over her. He smiled, there was nothing friendly in that smile at all and for the first time she was something in his eyes that frightened her. He reached into his pocket and removed a battered leather bound book, a book she recognised immediately and she felt her mouth go dry and her stomach churn.

'February 23rd 1995.'

'Where did you...' her voice sounded foreign to her ears.

'Nu uh, I'm asking the questions.' He paced his hands either side of the chair and leaned close to her. The alcohol on his breath making her eyes water. His voice was low and his eyes where wild as he spoke to her.

'Questions like; just when where you going to tell me you got rid of my child?'


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

'_Questions like; just when where you going to tell me you got rid of my child?'_

Wilhelmina felt hot and cold all at once; she felt her breath coming in short rasps as her panic began to rise. She felt the wave of nausea hit her and her heart quicken. She wanted to scream at him but thought she might vomit if she opened her mouth. Daniel continued to stare at her, enjoying her discomfort and waiting for her answer. Well, he had a long wait ahead of him.

Daniel couldn't help but notice the close proximity of their bodies and unbidden images of last night came to him. The way she had felt moving against him, the taste of her skin. The sound of her voice as she called his name. Images that this morning would have caused his body to crave her now only made his stomach churn in the wake of this revelation.

Trying her hardest to steady her breathing she used all the strength she could find and tried to remove his vice-like grip trapping her in her chair. He wouldn't be moved; he leaned in closer and whispered in her face. 'Answer me.'

When she didn't respond he bellowed at her. 'Answer me!'

Even if she had wanted to, in that moment there was no way she could. She had never seen him like this before. His eyes were huge and dark, his teeth partially bared and she could literally feel the heat of his anger. His hands were spasmodically tightening round the arms of her chair and she guessed he was using all his control not to wrap them round her neck and apply the same pressure. She let out a huge breath she didn't know she was holding when she heard voices coming from the door of her office.

'Daniel!' Willie recognised the high pitch of Betty's voice.

'Stay out of this Betty.'

'Get away from her.' It was Marc, sounding much braver than he felt.

Daniel chuckled and turned his head slightly to look at the other man. 'Or what Marc, we're going to meet at the flagpole at 4?'

Using his brief distraction to her advantage, Wilhelmina dug her nails into his hand making him retract them in pain. Pushing him to the side she bolted from the chair. Daniel realised his mistake and made a grab for her but Marc and Betty were too quick and stood between the pair like some bizarre piggy in the middle.

'Daniel, what the hell!?' Betty shouted at him.

'We're not through here 'til I get my answer.'

'What answer?' asked Marc.

Looking over their heads Daniel saw Wilhelmina shake her head almost imperceptibly, her eyes pleading that he didn't tell them what those pages contained. Seeing this, he laughed.

'Oh you don't want me to tell? Well that's hardly fair; after all they've been Shaggy and Velma to my Fred all through this little mystery.'

The air seemed to change around them as Daniels words hung in the air. Marc had his back to Wilhelmina and was loathe to turn and face her. Biting the bullet, he turned slowly and found Wilhelmina looking at him with a look he had only seen when Connor had left, broken, defeated and it was worse than any punishment he had previously imagined, knowing this look was directed at him.

'Willie I...'

'No' It was barley a whisper but it stopped Marc in his tracks. Wilhelmina walked around him to her desk in the office which no longer felt like hers. Keeping one eye on Daniel she reached for the book he had discarded there. She walked back to Marc and thrust it against his chest.

'Read it.' Her voice was still a murmur.

Marc shook his head, 'I don't want to.'

She pushed it firmer into his chest. 'Don't start something you can't finish!' Her voice was gaining strength now. 'Read it...now. Oh, you too Velma.'

Marc swallowed and began to read the entry that had been smudged with Daniel's tears and fingerprints.

_February 23__rd__ 1995_

_This is the sixth morning in a row I've been praying to the porcelain God. I've been ignoring the symptoms, hoping it will go away when I know it won't. I can't do this, we can't do this. Fey already hates the fact that I have one child splitting my attention from the magazine. It's all Mode with her, she handed her own baby to her accountant without a moments' hesitation because she didn't want a child in the way of her career._

_And then there's Daniel, he's only 23 I was 3 years older when I had Nico and I still wasn't ready. How can I expect him to be a father? I won't even let him tell his family we're together and it's been almost a year...and now what? We're just gonna show up, tell them we're together and hope that one of the most influential families in New York welcomes me and their bastard grandchild with open arms? Please...this isn't a John Hughes movie._

_I know I'm being unfair, Daniel would rise to it, I know he would. Making all the promises you're supposed to...God, the sentimental idiot would probably want me to marry him. He'd sit with the big book of baby names, we'd argue over whether it would be Slater or Meade, he'd go to the store for Ice Cream at 3am. He'd dote on this child no matter what his parents said or did...he'd throw his life away._

_Which is why I ended it, I picked some stupid fight when he tried to convince me to at least tell Alex about us and I flipped. Told him he was immature, too young to have a serious relationship and sent him off to fashion week with Alex in Paris. He landed about 3am this morning and I've been avoiding his calls ever since. He'll get over it, Alex will remind him what the life of a Playboy should be and he'll thank his lucky stars he's not trapped in a grown up relationship. And he'll never need to know I was carrying his baby._

'Oh God...Willie.'

Marc looked up at his boss, Wilhelmina titled her head and quirked her eyebrow.

'What Marc, not the ending you were hoping for? What were you hoping for?'

'I...I wasn't...'

'Oh come on Marc, you've seen how we are now, how did you think it would end? You just wanted to learn my big bad secret. I suppose I should be proud, really.' She laughed mirthlessly.

Betty stared at the carpet at her feet. She didn't want to know this, she didn't want any part of it and she certainly didn't want to admit to her boss that she could see why Wilhelmina had done what she did.

Now that the secret was out, at least within these four walls, Willie felt her old self coming back. Daniel felt his anger subsiding and Marc and Betty wanted the ground to swallow them.

'One question.' Daniel spoke softly.

All three looked at him expectantly.

'Why did you come to Paris?'

'What?' Willie asked him.

'You came to Paris, we talked. We were back together and then you left again. Why?'

'Does it matter?'

'It does to me.'

Marc and Betty suddenly realised that Daniel and Wilhelmina no longer noticed that they were in the room. Their eyes were holding only each other.

'I don't know.' Wilhelmina answered him.

'Oh come on Wilhelmina, you don't do anything without a reason.'

She shook her head. 'You know what Daniel; you've shared enough of my secrets for one night. How 'bout you let me keep this one a little longer.'

'No...I.'

'What does it matter Daniel? Do you really think we'd still be together if I hadn't ended it or if the baby had been born? You think me, you and 2,4 kids would be part of the equation now?! No of course not. So let it go.'

She turned to leave and expected Daniel to charge up and stop her or call her back, part of her hoped he would. Before she realised it she was at the elevator and he hadn't stopped her leaving, just like in Paris.

xXx

Letting herself into her apartment, Willie felt all the tension of the last 24 hours start to drain from her. Ignoring the call of the chilled Chablis in her fridge she walked straight to her bedroom and opened the closet. Reaching into the back she pulled out the box that had contained her Diaries and saw they were all gone. Reaching between the fold of one of the soft baby blankets she let out a sigh of relief as she felt the worn envelope still concealed in there. Leaning back against the wall her heart jumped as she heard a knock at her front door.

Getting up she found herself hoping it was Daniel as she walked towards the door. Looking through the peephole she saw a very down trodden Marc St James peering back at her. She opened the door walked away leaving it open for him to follow.

Marc walked in and closed the door behind him. He followed her into the kitchen where she was decanting the wine into two large goblets. She handed one to Marc in silence and then walked back to her closet. Marc was close behind her, bewildered as to why she wasn't ripping his head off or barbequing his organs. He was probably more scared of her now than he was when he thought she had been trying to kill him.

She sat down in her closet in the same space he had when he had first discovered her diaries. He sat down opposite her and immediately launched into a tirade of apologies. 'Willie I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.'

'Enough Marc. I don't want your apologies. It's done, and like I said, I guess I should be proud.'

'I want you to know, I never went to Daniel, neither did Betty. It all just got out of hand.'

Ignoring him, she ran her finger round the rim of her wine glass. She nodded to the box between them. 'I take it you saw these then', gesturing the baby blankets.

'Yeah...Nicos?'

She shook her head. 'No, not Nico's. I was going to have the baby, Marc. I went to Paris to tell Daniel, I bought these at some overpriced baby boutique on my way to the hotel.'

'Why didn't you?'

Wilhelmina sat her glass down and reached for the top most blanket; reaching in between the fold once again she pulled out the much worn envelope. She handed it to Marc who looked at it and gasped.

There on the envelope was one word written in Wilhelmina's handwriting.

_Daniel_

'I guess you didn't snoop hard enough, Nancy Drew.'


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Marc sat with the glass of wine untouched in front of him as he reread the words on the tattered piece of paper he was tentatively holding. His eyes scanned over the words in front of him again and again and he shook his head.

'Willie...you've got to tell him.'

'And why would I want to do that?'

Marc mouth flapped wordlessly for a couple of seconds reminding Wilhelmina of a fish out of water.

'Because...Willie he hates you.'

'Good.'

'Good?'

The vulnerable side Marc so rarely saw from his boss was shrinking in front of him as she rolled her eyes and tossed back her wine.

'Yes. Good. Things are back to normal. Order has been restored. I don't need Daniel Meade making puppy dog eyes at me, reminiscing about a relationship that's long dead with a woman who doesn't even exist anymore.'

'But Willie, this is different. He hates you because of something you didn't even do.'

'Since when does that matter? Obviously, marrying his father, blackmailing his sister, trying to steal his livelihood just doesn't get a man as angry as it used to.' She said, her voice laden with sarcasm.

'Then...then why did you show me?'

Wilhelmina sighed and looked into Marc's eyes. She held his gaze for a couple of seconds before saying softly. 'I trust you.'

Marc was genuinely taken aback; he had never heard those words from the mouth of Wilhelmina Slater, not even when she was discussing Connor. She had loved him but she had never once said she trusted him. She had never said she trusted anyone and now she trusted him. He swallowed a lump in his throat...she shouldn't trust him.

xXx

Closing the door behind a suitably humbled Marc she made her way wearily back to her bedroom and began to tidy the closet they had been sitting in. Seeing the envelope laying on the floor where Marc had sat, she picked it up and turned the yellowing paper between her fingers. The envelope and the letter it contained had been handled many times since it was written but never by the person for whom it was intended. The only person who had read the words written in this letter was her, and now Marc. She made up her mind pretty much as soon as she wrote it that Daniel would never read it contents. Far too much bad blood had passed between them for her to let him see it now. Besides, she didn't want his forgiveness; she didn't want him to understand. If that happened then they were back to square one, with Daniel wanting to rekindle a flame that had died long ago. No, he would definitely never know what she had written. She, on the other hand, needed to see it again. Needed to relive the pain she had felt when she first put pen to paper all those years ago, it would help her push him away in her head again. She hadn't looked at the letter since the day she had been told he was taking over Mode after Fey's death; worried it would be too hard to be around him she had sat and read the letter letting the pain wash over her, making it easier to hate him when she saw _Danny_ holding fort at the meeting on his first day.

Walking slowly back through to her kitchen, the letter felt like a ton weight in her hand, matching the weight she felt inside. Pouring another glass of wine she sat at the table and steeled herself for the torment she was about to put herself though. She didn't need to read it, she knew every word, every punctuation mark, every tear stain on the paper but she needed to remember the feeling she poured into those words when she had written them. With another deep breath and a sip of wine she opened the envelope.

It was empty.

xXx

At the same time across town Daniel refused to look up and acknowledge the man standing in front of him. He continued making notes in the book in front of him; he didn't even know what he was writing. Eventually Daniel relented and spoke, still not looking up.

'Sent you to do her bidding again, has she?'

Marc didn't answer; he would wait until the man in front of him afforded him the respect of at least looking him in the eye.

At last Marc won the silent battle as Daniel lifted his eyes to meet his.

'What Marc.'

'I have something you need to see.'

'Unless it's a resignation from your boss, I'm guessing I don't need to see anything you have.'

Marc reached into his coat pocket and produced the letter he had snatched when Wilhelmina's back was turned. He dropped it in front of Daniel on the desk.

'What's this?'

'Read it.'

'Why should I, what is it?'

'Answers.'

'I don't have any more questions Marc.'

'No Daniel, you started this...well okay me and Betty started this, but you jump on the bandwagon quicker than Betty's on a falafel. You read the things she never wanted you to see, things she never wanted you to know. You can at least read the one thing that was meant for your eyes.'

Daniel plucked at the corner of the folded paper. 'This is for me.'

'Originally, yes.'

'Originally?'

'She doesn't want you to see it.'

'So you thought you'd drop off a get out of jail free card for your boss.'

'No...I thought I'd help out my friend. Anyway, once she finds out I've done this I doubt she'll be my boss much longer.'

Daniel noted the melancholy in Marc's voice; also that he had referred to Wilhelmina as a friend. Something he couldn't remember anyone doing in a long time. He stared at Marc for a long second before eventually nodding.

'Thank you.' Said Marc and left Daniel alone, unfolding the paper before him.

xXx

She had ransacked the closet, the box, where he had sat, where she had sat, even recesses of the closet she hadn't touched in years. It was gone, he had taken it and she knew who he had taken it to.

She was frantically calling a town car only to be told one would not be available for an hour. Calling a cab, she checked her watch, Daniel would still be at the office, he always worked through the night when he was in turmoil. Oh how she longed for the days were he would drown his sorrows in women and alcohol instead of work. Hopefully Marc wouldn't have worked this out and would have tried his apartment first. She could intercept Marc, kill him and leave Daniel none the wiser.

xXx

She pushed the button in the elevator frantically, willing it to go faster. When it eventually opened she moved as fast as her Prada's would carry her up to Daniels office. Before she was even half way there she could see it was fruitless, the office was in complete darkness. He was gone. Running her hand through her hair in desperation, not caring that she was ruining perfectly teased hair she spun round in the hopeless fantasy that she would find him hiding in the shadows. Instead she saw the silhouette of her assistant sitting at his desk. He had obviously heard her hurried entrance and was staring right at her. He got up slowly and walked to her.

'Did you give it to him?' Her voice was low and even.

'Willie I...'

'Did you give it to him?' She repeated.

'I'm sorry, I...' But he was cut off as he felt the sting of her hand against his cheek. Holding his hand up to the already bruising flesh he tried to look in her eyes. She had never looked at him like that, he had seen some legendary Slater stares but he was pretty sure this one was reserved for those who betrayed her the deepest.

She walked back to the elevator, cursing Marc, cursing Daniel...pretty much cursing all the men on the planet. She would now have to face Daniel and have a talk she had been putting off for 13 years. It could wait 'til tomorrow, one more day couldn't hurt.

xXx

_Daniel, _

_I landed in New York a little over 7 hours ago; the flight from Paris was the worst of my life. When I left for Paris I was ready to throw everything away to be with you. Looking back on that decision I can't help but laugh. On the way to the hotel I stopped only once. To buy a ridiculously soft and expensive baby blanket. I was going to give it to you when I told you that you were going to be a dad. Fey called me when I was in the cab, just as I was running the soft fabric between my fingers and wondering if it would look like you, she told me in no uncertain terms that if I went through with this I could forget Creative Director, I could forget Mode...I could forget working ion fashion again._

_I told her fine._

_When I arrived in Paris I found you straight away, like you'd been waiting on me. I had planned on telling you straight away, had pictured the look on your face the entire flight. I know I made a stupid choice pushing you away but when I first found out I was terrified, you're a kid Daniel. You proved that to me in Paris._

_From the minute I arrived I could tell that Alex was less than pleased to see me, so I decided not to tell you. Stupidly I wanted it to be perfect, if I had told you then and there who knows what would have happened. _

_That night you had arranged to go out with Alex. Alex, as usual had some leggy blonde attached to him. When you still hadn't come back to our suite at 2am I went to Alex's room to see if he was back. You never knew Daniel, you never knew that I opened the door and saw you screwing the hand model Alex had left with hours earlier._

_I don't remember turning to leave, I don't remember picking up my bag or booking my flight home. I don't remember going down the back stairs as fast as I could go, I don't remember falling. _

_I do remember waking up in the hospital to be told I'd lost my baby._

_I do remember that when they had tried to call you, your mother picked up and she was there when I came round._

_I do remember that she offered me money to keep my mouth shut._

_So Daniel, if you want to hate me for leaving you again then go ahead. If you despise me for giving you no explanation then fine. _

_Believe me I have more than enough to hate you for too._

_W_

xXx

Daniel finished reading the letter for what felt like the thousandth time. Using his thumb and fore finger he rubbed his tired and watery eyes. His back was killing him from leaning against the doorframe. Hearing an elevator arrive at the end of the hall his eyes locked with Wilhelmina's as the doors opened.


	10. Chapter 10

Dear Diary – Chapter 10

She stood in the elevator staring at the defeated form of Daniel slumped in her doorway. Half of her wanted to issue some cutting remark about his condition. Scratch that, less than half, the mask she displayed to the world was becoming more and more distant when she was around him. That was why this was so dangerous, that was why she had wanted to continue the lie. She didn't want to let him in.

His eyes were still locked on hers, the hurt he was experiencing was clearly shining on them but beneath that she could see his eyes searching hers for forgiveness. She didn't know how long they remained like that, only when the elevator doors began to close and her hand shot out to stop them was she shaken from her reverie. With what felt like legs made of lead she walked to her apartment door. He stood as she neared the apartment but no words of greeting were spoken. He stood behind her, head bowed; pinching the bridge of his nose as she wordlessly unlocked her door.

Every noise seemed magnified as he followed her into her apartment. Without looking back at him she made her way to her lounge. The fire roared to life by way of greeting, the peculiar lighting resulting in making their faces appear even more haunted. Wilhelmina eventually turned to him, swallowed the lump in her throat.

'Give me five minutes.' Her voice wavered as she spoke to him.

Daniel still didn't trust himself to speak without succumbing to the guilt he felt and merely nodded in response while averting her gaze.

Wilhelmina waked to her room on autopilot; sitting on the bed she tried to arrange her thoughts. _Why had she come in here? _It's not like she was planning on slipping into something more comfortable for God sake. Looking in the mirror she could see the effect that this was having on her, her eyes had lost their shine, her skin had paled and her mouth was firmly set in a line. The effort to smile, well sneer, seemed astronomical. She could already feel the tension headache squeezing like an elastic band around her temples. Securely fixing her stare on the mirror she took a deep breath and mentally prepared herself.

Daniel couldn't sit still in her living room. He had perched, slumped, even lain down on the sofa. He had paced up and down, turned her TV on and off and watched the people on the street down below. Anything to distract himself until she came back in the room. The fact that he hadn't spoken up to stop her leaving was something he was now kicking himself for. She was priming herself for this conversation, reconstructing the defences he had managed to knock down in the past months. Walking to her cabinet he took out two glasses and poured a healthy measure of the nearest spirit which came to hand. Knocking it back, he poured another for himself and poured a glass for Wilhelmina.

Now that she had gone to compose herself he was sure the conversation was going to be him snivelling like a fool and making pathetic attempts at apologies while good ol' Wilhelmina Slater belittled his every comment and demeanour, and this time he would let her, he deserved it. So he was surprised when he heard her footsteps returning and couldn't hear the familiar military click of her heels as she strode with her usual self importance. Instead her footsteps were slow, apprehensive even. When she came back in the room she looked as drained as when she had left. Daniel walked to her and offered the drink he had poured her. Wilhelmina eyed it as if it were an alien, looked at Daniel and then back at the drink before grabbing both her drink and his own from his grasp and stormed from the room.

Puzzled, Daniel followed her into the kitchen in time to see her throwing both glasses into the sink, the resulting shatter of the glass making him jump in the quiet of her home. She rounded on him.

'Is there any reason why you need alcohol every time we have a discussion, or is it not limited to me!? Going the same way as Mother?'

He knew she was doing this to provoke him, wanted to instigate an argument to avoid the conversation that was looming. He wasn't going to rise to the bait, instead he walked to her coffee machine, poured two cups and handed one to her. He spoke to her in an even tone contrasting the rollercoaster he felt inside.

'No of course not, just thought you might've needed it. Coffee's fine.'

Thrown off by his reaction her expression faltered and she looked away.

'This stuff's no good; it's been out since this morning.' Her voice sounded almost childlike.

'It's fine.' Daniel reassured her taking a step closer. 'Wilhelmina...'

'No I'll make more.' She said abruptly, side stepping him, still hoping to avoid this at all costs.

Daniel sighed as she started fussing with the coffee maker, pressing buttons and looking for all the world as if she was highly engrossed in her task. Daniel knew that once she had done this she would create any number of tedious jobs that needed doing right away in order to evade what needed to be said, so he decided she could do all the jobs she wanted, he was going to talk.

'I'm sorry.' It sounded trite even to his own ears but where else was he meant to start. She stopped what she was doing for the smallest of moments and then resumed as if he had said nothing.

'I know that doesn't make anything any different but I am.'

She carried on working with her back to him.

'You know traditional conversations involve two or more people taking turns to talk.' He said jovially trying to lighten the atmosphere. It didn't work; she still did not reply or turn around.

'Sorry, stupid joke.' He mumbled, almost to himself. He felt he had to keep talking, if he didn't then he would be overwhelmed and return to the dribbling wreck she had found at her door.

His tone was still conversational as he continued. 'You know that...woman...you know she was Dj's Mother. It was stupid, although you had come to Paris I was still pissed you know? I was an idiot and Alex kept saying things about you being with other people while we were apart and I just...you know what...forget it...there's no excuse. Especially considering you were...you were uh...'

He cleared his throat and swallowed before continuing in a small voice. '...pregnant.'

He saw that she had moved from the coffee machine but was hurriedly wiping her kitchen surfaces. Dropping what little bravado he had left in his voice he asked her.

'Wilhelmina, why didn't you tell me?'

She still didn't answer; he walked up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. 'Willie...'

She spun round and slammed the flat of her hand into his chest, pushing him from her. Her eyes were red and swollen and her voice was cracking as she began her tirade.

'Why? Why didn't I tell you? You really want to know why? You think I wanted to add to my humiliation of flying to Europe, abandoning the career I worked so hard for, finding the father of my child fucking his brothers cast off, falling down the fucking stairs trying to run away and waking up to find Clare fucking Meade of all people by my bedside to tell me that our baby was gone! Oh yes Daniel, I noticed you didn't mention your mothers part in this during your heartfelt apology! That was probably the one thing your mother and I had ever agreed on, neither one of us wanted you to know.'

Daniel was taken aback by the sudden outburst and took a moment to form a coherent thought. Forcing his mouth to work he whispered. 'But why?'

Still shouting, she continued; 'Well your mother obviously wanted to protect her dear sweet baby boy whereas I didn't want you to know that you had...'

She stopped suddenly; Daniel looked in her eyes and knew what she was going to say.

'Hurt you.'

Wilhelmina seemed to deflate in front of his eyes. 'Bravo Daniel, well done. You hurt me, something you've been wanting to do since the moment you walked into Mode, shame you didn't know you were years too late.'

He walked towards her and reached a hand towards her. 'I'm so sor...'

'No! Don't say it again; I don't need your apologies. Just go!'

Daniel still moved for her so she pushed him away from her and tried to move him to the door.

'Daniel go!'

He pushed his weight against her hands, not allowing her to shift his frame. She began slapping his chest while shouting at him to go. When he heard the anger in her voice turn to sadness and her demands for him to leave turned to pleads he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in fiercely. Holding her tightly he felt her body begin to shake.

'I'm sorry Willie.'

With some effort she pushed him away, turning her head quickly so he wouldn't see her tears. She quickly walked away from him and returned to her room.

xXx

If she was hoping Daniel was going to leave she was going to be sorely disappointed. He had gone back to the living room and sat on her couch for the last two hours. He still needed to talk; they couldn't leave it like this. He needed to know where he stood with her. The notion of what he was insinuating gave him mixed feelings. The boy that had loved her was giddy and the man who had loathed her was screaming '_don't do it.'_ He still didn't know who he was going to listen to.

He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice her coming back until she sat next to him. He turned to look at her, perched on the edge of the sofa, elbows resting on her knees and staring straight ahead at nothing.

'You want to know the real reason I didn't tell you?'

Something told him she wasn't really looking for an answer; he remained silent and let her continue.

'If you had found out I had lost your baby, you would have been devastated.'

'Of course I would have.'

'I didn't want you to be.'

'So what? You were protecting me?'

'God no, I didn't want you to be devastated, because you didn't deserve to be devastated. You didn't deserve to get the pity and compassion that would have been heaped on you had you known. I hated you and I wanted to make it your fault.'

Daniel burned with shame and looked away, 'It was my fault.'

'No Daniel. I never knew what happened, no one did. They scanned me when I fell to be sure, but it could have happened before then. It could have been the fall down the stairs, it could have been the fact that I shouldn't have been flying so early on or it could have just been one of those things that life does to fuck you up.'

'But...'

'No buts Daniel. You know the hardest thing about losing a baby? There's no one to blame. Even the doctors tell you they don't know why some pregnancies just end...they just do. I was so full of anger and I had nowhere to direct it, so I directed it at you and boy did it work.'

He laughed ever so slightly. 'Yeah'

She turned to look at him. 'Until a couple of months ago.'

He raised an eyebrow. 'Yeah?'

She nodded.

He smiled.

'The other reason I didn't tell you...'

'Go on.'

'I was terrified you'd comfort me, that we'd get through it and come out stronger. That scared the hell out of me.'

Daniel was struck dumb. Since they had walked in her apartment there was no trace of the Wilhelmina he knew from Mode, she had been open and honest and her last comment had floored him.

'Do me one favour Daniel?'

'Name it.'

'God...you tell her I said this and I will deny it until my dying breath. Don't blame your Mother, she did what she thought was best. She thought I would use it to claw my way into the Meade Empire and to be fair I haven't exactly proved her wrong.' She finished with a smile.

He nodded. 'Willie I really am...'

'If you are about to apologise again I will hurt you physically.' She said dryly.

Daniel smiled, _ah there she is._

'Daniel, I'm exhausted. I can't talk anymore. I'm going to bed.'

'We still need to talk about where we stand with each other.'

'Daniel...'

'Look, things have changed, there's no point in denying it. The past we tried to bury has come up and bitten us on the ass and thrown everything upside down. And you know...we slept together.'

She closed her eyes tightly, Daniel didn't know if this was to replay the images or block them.

'Daniel, this is not going to be some big love story. No matter what our relationship was 14 years ago, a hell of a lot has happened to change the way we feel since then.'

Daniel nodded, 'True, but I know why you acted the way you did...mostly, and I forgive you.'

She arched her eyebrows at him.

'Okay well, I'll work on it; I can get past it if you can.'

'If I can get past what?'

'What I did to you with...her.'

Wilhelmina looked at the ground. 'I think the rational part of my brain forgave you long ago. It was a youthful indiscretion. I think I held on to it for so long to make it easier to hate you.'

'And now?'

She looked at him and pulled her bottom lip into her mouth, looking at him thoughtfully. 'It's getting harder.'

He smiled. 'So it's not love, it's not hate, we'll never be able to be just friends...what is it?'

She shrugged, 'Grey area.'

'Grey area? Sounds good to me.'

She smiled and stood. 'I'm going to bed.'

'I'm spending the night.'

She spun and looked at him incredulously.

'In the spare room or couch even...we're not done talking.'

Exhausted and seeing no point in arguing, Wilhelmina relented. 'Take the room to the right of the bathroom. I'll see you in the morning.'

xXx

Daniel lay in bed wide awake, his ears straining for any sounds of her moving about the apartment. He had lost count of the times he had sat bolt upright in the bed and expected to hear a knock at the door, when he realised he was willing it to happen he made up his mind.

At the same time, Wilhelmina was silently pacing in her bedroom. The two sides of her battling in her head. Countless times she reached for the door, wanting to go to him and just get lost in him like she used too. Then the woman she had become would make her snatch her hand back, reasoning that Wilhelmina Slater would never go to Daniel Meade. The longer she paced the louder one voice became.

Reaching for the handle of her door, she swung it open to see Daniel standing at the other side, hand poised to knock.

The pair froze, eyes wide and breath caught in their throat. The new Daniel and Wilhelmina wanted the door to close and to retreat back to their corners. Neither moved, the old lovers they once were wanting to see if they could ever get back what they had.

Wilhelmina wavered slightly the door moving with her, Daniel pushed his hand against the door and opened it hard and with one step he was in her room and his lips crashed on hers. As she started to respond he pulled her body close against him. His body instantly began reacting to the feel of her curves. He started to walk with her, moving her backwards towards the bed, muttering futile rationalisations as they went.

'This is stupid.'

'I know.'

'We shouldn't do this.'

'We shouldn't.'

Her legs hit the bed and he pushed her down upon it. Leaving rough kisses on her neck he pushed down the silken straps of her camisole and slipped it off her body. Her back arching off the mattress as he found the sensitive spot on her neck that only he knew where to find. She hurriedly removed his boxers and closed her hand around him, making him momentarily still his movements as the sensation washed over him. She felt his hand slide down her body and as his mouth worked its way teasing her breasts she felt his fingers against her.

Knowing she wouldn't last long if he kept touching her like that she pushed hard against his shoulder, flipping him over and straddling him on the edge of her bed. He placed his feet firmly on the floor and grabbed her waist, positioning her directly above him. Taking a hold of him she guided him in and gasped as he immediately began to thrust upwards.

She gripped him tightly, one hand in his hair as he lowered his head slightly and pulled a nipple into his mouth. He kept one hand on her back to steady her and moved the other between their joined bodies, pressing two fingers against her as she moved up and down. He could feel her movements getting more erratic and began speeding up his efforts. Pulling his head up, she brought his mouth to hers, their lips and tongues collided with fervour as her body began to tense. Holding her tight to keep her still he felt his own muscles tense as she squeezed around him. With a final upwards thrust his body went rigid and he cried out as he reached his climax. Wilhelmina entwined her hands in his hair and pulled his head tight to her chest as her back arched as she too hit her peak.

The two bodies shaking violently, floated back down to reality. They moved apart slightly, each looking in the other's eyes for signs of regret. Seeing none, Daniel smiled and kissed her lightly, trailing his tongue over her now swollen lips. Shifting his weight he pulled her with him as he manoeuvred himself into her bed. Turning on his side he pulled her close and wrapped his body around her, spooning her.

'Oh this won't complicate matters.' Wilhelmina said sardonically.

Daniel buried his face in her hair and placed a kiss on the nape of her neck. 'Shut up.'

xXx

_Epilogue_

_4 Months later_

'_Willie, where have you been? I called you like a million times this morning.'_

_Marc was fluttering round her like an epileptic butterfly._

'_I left my cell in the office, why didn't you call me at Daniel's'_

'_Ooh 3 nights in a row.'_

'_You said you tried to reach me.' She said dismissing his comment._

'_Oh it was nothing just some drama with Hermes blah blah blah, I handled it. So you stayed at chez Meade again last night.' He said jumping to sit on her desk and crossing his legs dramatically._

_Wilhelmina stood before him and glowered. 'So?'_

'_So it's been four months and you haven't killed each other yet, in fact I'd say you're getting mighty cosy.' He said with a grin._

'_Get off my desk Marc.'_

_Wilhelmina was saved from any more of Marc's prying by Daniel and Betty entering the office._

'_Here, you left this in the town car this morning.' He said handing her a Chanel scarf._

_As she took it from him he leaned in and kissed her, she swatted him away._

'_Daniel, I said no funny stuff in the office unless your mother is in the vicinity.' She smiled wickedly, 'It's fun to watch her pale like a corpse.'_

_Daniel smiled and leaned to pick up the phone on her desk and dialled a number. 'Hello Mom? Could you come up to Wilhelmina's office please? Thanks.' He hung up and grinned like a child._

'_Oh ha-ha, very droll Daniel.'_

'_I think so.' He continued to smile and leaned in to kiss her again, this time she reciprocated and rolled her eyes when they parted and saw Betty's face scrunched up._

'_Oh for God sake it's not like I'm screwing him on the desk. We usually wait til you're all gone for the night before that.' _

_Betty's face widened in panic and her eyes begged with Daniel to tell her that Wilhelmina was kidding, Daniel simply shrugged causing Marc to snicker._

'_Something amusing?' Her eyes narrowed at him._

'_No, nothing Willie.' He said still smiling._

_Daniel, Marc and Betty all jumped when Wilhelmina grabbed Daniel and kissed him deeply. After several seconds and some questionable moans from Daniel she released him and looked over Marc's shoulder in mock surprise. 'Oh good morning Claire.' She said brightly. 'We have a meeting in Daniel's office.'_

_Claire nodded wordlessly and walked towards Daniel's office. Claire, although obviously mortified by their new relationship could do little about it if she wanted to maintain a relationship with Daniel. He had told her as much when he confronted her with the fact she had known about the baby._

_Feeling euphoric at the look on Claire's face, Wilhelmina pressed another quick kiss to Daniels lips and sighed contentedly. 'That was fun.'_

_Straightening her outfit she and Daniel left the office and began walking to their meeting. Daniel placed his hand at the small of Willie's back._

'_I can't wait to tell her we've spent the last three days packing up your things for you to move in.'_

'_You really are evil aren't you?' He said laughing softly._

'_Yes I am...and you love it.'_

_**THE END **_


End file.
